The Redacted Podcast
Join Matt Bender, a U.S. Combat Veteran, and experience his unfiltered and uncensored conversations with our guests, each maintaining complete anonymity, as they share the most raw and authentic true stories, from secrets to forbidden topics, frightening experiences to interesting occupations. Tune in, as we explore subjects and narratives that often dance along the fringes of society.
The Redacted Podcast
Murdering Malachi: Part 4 - What Do You Really Think Of Me?
Send a text directly to us and let us know your thoughts!
"Murdering Malachi" is a special limited series by The Redacted Podcast, produced by Matt Bender and Pamela Bender.
Straddling the lines of identity and the struggle to find a place in a world that demands you choose sides, "Murdering Malachi: Episode Four – Between Worlds" is a raw expedition into the life of a man who defies categorization. In this episode, Malachi grapples with the complexities of his mixed-race heritage, the expectations of society, and the harrowing experiences that have shaped his journey.
Malachi's story is one of survival and the search for self amidst the chaos of a life marked by trauma and the polarizing forces of race and sexuality. We follow him from the streets where he fought to find his footing, through the tangled web of family dynamics, to the underground world of sex work and its indelible impact on his existence.
With unflinching honesty, Malachi opens up about the mentors who offered him sanctuary, the psychological battles that no one could name, and the stark realizations that come with living a life on the fringes. His narrative is a testament to the power of human resilience and the courage it takes to live authentically in a society that often rejects what it cannot understand.
Don't miss this profound and thought-provoking episode of The Redacted Podcast, where the past is a ghost and the future is a blank canvas. Tune in for an unvarnished look at the life of a man who refuses to be defined by the world's binaries.
Help Malachi Rebuild His Life (Please note: This is specifically for Malachi's fundraiser - not a donation to the podcast - the link to donate to the show is below.)
Thank you for listening! We thrive on your support. Please subscribe to our podcast, leave a review, and share our episodes. Your engagement helps us continue to produce high-quality, thought-provoking content. Join The Redacted Podcast army and be part of a community that values truth and justice.
If you have a story that needs to be heard, contact us at Team@TheRedactedPodcast.com. Follow our journey on TikTok, X, Instagram, YouTube and Facebook for more updates and exclusive content. Together, we can make a difference.
People would ask me what am I? White or black? Right, I tell them I'm mixed Yo. What are you? I'm mixed Yo. Which one? And some of my friends even got mad. They were like you're just a nigger, like the rest of us. You're black, you know. And then, once you're dead, they'll be like you're hunky, you're my boy, and they're finallyed on me. Their minds could not wrap around me being both I had like. They literally could not comprehend me not being one or the other.
Speaker 3:There's something I wanted to address before we start this episode. Wanted to address before we start this episode. So the subject of this series, malachi, gave us an uncensored and raw look into his life. Hashtag, no filter. He shared his feelings and controversial opinions and painful memories with us. That takes bravery A lot of it, actually and I can honestly say that most of us would be extremely uncomfortable putting that much of ourselves out there and subjecting ourselves to public scrutiny. Just something to keep in mind From the Redacted Podcast. I'm Matt Bender and this is Episode 4 of Murdering Malachi. What do you really think of me?
Speaker 1:They got violent. I was boot camp. I was young, I wasn't a thug, yet I was still scared In my whole teenage life, even though I was captain of the wrestling team, made the sambo team. I had the physical tools but I didn't have the mental. I was still scared because I'd been bullied for so many damn years. I could pick up a 300-pound man, but I mentally thought I would lose to a 50-pound girl. So during boot camp, shortly after mom died and I was all on my own right that was just me. My gay uncles were kind of supportive, but they were still kind of in partyville. So they were like well, here's a couple hours, you know, or here's some coke, we'll party. Like they didn't really have that. They weren't older, they were still partying.
Speaker 3:So the audio cuts out a bit here, but what I'm doing is asking him about his gay uncles.
Speaker 1:He's mentioned them in previous conversations as a kind of positive influence to his life. But I wanted to know more about their story. When I went to that private school, I was talking to talking about the kids my age hated me and part of it was my fault because I suddenly went from the bottom of the barrel to like a thug in this school. You know, it wasn't the thug and I just I thought I didn't know how to act. I didn't know how to act, no longer being bullied. I may have even been a little bit of a bully myself and I'll accept that, you know fine. But I was also like the smartest kid in the whole damn school, you know, in like the special school. You know what I mean. This is where the medical school was coming to talk to me and and so high school I was in seventh grade, sixth seventh grade, I got the scholarship to that prestigious private school.
Speaker 2:they came and found me and you're still living with your foster still my foster mom.
Speaker 1:So what it happened was that's when they first started giving me psychological care and they were like something's wrong with this guy, but no one would tell me what they saw it. But they were like something's not right, but no one could explain it. And they were like we'll go see the psychiatrist, but no one would tell me what the psychiatrist wouldn't tell me. They were trying to keep a secret from me that I was insane but sane at the same time. I told you no one's ever been able to. Really, they can't, they don't know how I exist. So, anyway, the older kids were really good to me because they just saw this, because it was a kindergarten and 12th grade, so everybody was mixed. So the older kids took a shine to me because they didn't see the whole depth of what was going on, but they just saw this lost little kid and they were like, yeah, I remember when I was in seventh grade, yeah, so they, they were nice to me and what happened was one of them graduated particular girl, and it being that you know, this is a prestigious private school. The moment she graduated, she had an apartment in Center City. I was just like, yeah, I'm 18. I've got a $3,000 a month apartment in Center City. That's the kind of society it was. She was nice to me. She let me visit one day Again. Nothing sexual, nothing sexual, they're just nice to me. One day I went to her apartment and she wasn't there and I was sitting on a step.
Speaker 1:I'm 14. I'm still very naive, still very young. My sort of worldliness didn't really come until I was 18 or 19. And then when it came, it came. I ended up a fucking adult stripper For eight years. So I'm sitting on a step and all of a sudden this 27-year-old, 28-year-old, skinny white guy comes out. Very nice, very polite. I'm not catching on, I'm naive. And so he's talking to me and he invites me in. Again, I'm naive, but also his nature is just so, so, so safe. He invites me in, go to the basement apartment decked out all the latest electronics, all just, and we just hang out. And he would later explain that I'm not sure I don't want to put anybody out there because I was 14. So I think he would later explain in a very safe way.
Speaker 1:I'm not exactly sure where that might have headed, if anywhere, because you were young. So I'm not saying it would have, maybe I just liked looking at you, you know, because it wasn't necessarily a perv. Maybe I just liked looking at you because, hey, a cute boy, I was a cute boy. But he said, the moment I talked to you I went, holy cow, this one, he's different, and I wanted to protect you. Like that was like the moment I just wanted to protect you and he did one year to get right. This is why I call my guy, yeah, him and his, his, not necessarily partner, but like I don't know, they have this weird thing just best friend, my brother, I guess, and they just because he was super rich and the other one he took care of. So it's like I don't know, but the other half to him was, uh, he was white and the other half was black.
Speaker 1:And from that point on I can go down there and be safe, I can hang out, I can get away from the ghetto. Nothing ever happened. They introduced me to gay people. I started learning about like, oh okay, you know, they're not weirdos, you know. And the weirdest thing is I was always afraid that my grandma would find out. I called the false amount grandma. My grandma would find out. I call it the Fossil Mountain, grandmama, because you know, this is the Black Ghetto. If you don't know, historically the Black Ghetto is the most dangerous place in the world to be gay. Well, not in the world, but in America, because other countries are even worse, but in America it's the most dangerous place to be gay. Some would say it still is, but definitely was in the 70s. High machismo, high violence, high insecurity, and I was terrified my grandmom would find out and so they took care of me. I mean, they just continued to be a safe harbor.
Speaker 1:My grandmom died right when she died. They continued Years, years later, and this is the part that got me. They always watched out for me and I said I'm a, a grown-ass man. Why are you still watching out for me? He said, eric, you know, when your mom died, just before she died, she asked me to watch out for you. She said I'm the only person she would trust to look out for you. My head exploded.
Speaker 1:I'm like, first of all, how the fuck do you even know you? When did this happen? You know like you're in central city, she's in the hood. How did this happen? Because I'm thinking he called out to her one time and it was like look, your son is here, blah, blah, he's safe. I never knew, and second of all, old christ Christian, traditional Christian black woman. And the one person she decided that her son, her precious little baby, would be safe with was a rich white gay man. I don't even know if she knew he was rich, but just a white gay man. If that ain't beautiful, I don't know what is ain't beautiful. I don't know what is so for me. And you know, and it was safe too, because it was a lot easier for me to go to the gay clubs and tell someone no, thank you, I don't need a blowjob right now than it is to tell someone please don't kick my ass because I'm not black, because I'm not puerto rican, because I'm not white. I was with the people.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you get an asshole, like I usually was like okay, well, when, if you ever change your mind, I'll be over here. You know what I mean. It was like they didn't, because there's plenty of dicks. You know I'm not sucking yours, I'm sucking his. And, to be honest about it, when I got older, been walking up playing earth, have you ever seen a gay man with a girlfriend? There'd be some fine motherfuckers on there. And when you're like one of only three straight guys in the club and there's like 20 straight women and like a hundred gay guys. If you don't get laid, you did something really, really, really bad.
Speaker 3:Once again the audio is a bit weak on me here, but I'm asking Malachi if he considers himself bi or straight or anything in between, I guess.
Speaker 1:I'm straight. I have some issues because of all the rapes. I'm not going to say drugs, I haven't twisted some things, I'm really rid of that but I'm a heterosexual male. Are there some asterisks because of the way I've been fucked over? Are there some asterisks because of drugs? Probably I'm heterosexual. But the thing is, though, I have like no fucking judgment as long as you leave kids alone, do you? Because I'm going to tell you a secret, two things I've learned.
Speaker 1:One my uncle moved out to the suburbs. I was sitting in his house watching TV I mean, to this day he takes care of me, he just watching tv, right, I mean he, to this day he takes care of me just sent me a couple dollars to help me out the jam I was in. 40 years later I was really in a jam because I'm not sure I didn't share the bill. I've been policing, though how to me for that thing, plus my? You say I drive, I'm. My bill is ridiculous. They shouldn't be. And this month was, and I was drowning, I was about to lose everything. So he was like you know, here's a couple of dollars. Y'all help me, somebody else help me. This was just a bad, bad month. 40 years later he sent me some money.
Speaker 3:Malachi then goes on to explain how his gay uncle came into his money and success in the first place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they bought a house. He owns like half a freaking mountain. You ever look it up at water Kent is his grandfather. They were the first radio makers in America. Yeah, we see those radios that were like, look like that, like a little they go up. And then they go up like a steeple. Those old radios, a, I'll shake hand, I'll show you here, because you look at it, you you'll go, oh shit that those. Oh yeah, you're talking old.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, it's like before TVs. People sit around listening to that, yeah.
Speaker 1:They manufactured all of them. They were like the guy. And then he had some secret car part that no one had made before, so they invented that. Really, it's actually fascinating because so yeah, those radios back in the day, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's him, that's his grandfather, thank you. And then he had some other car parts that made them like millions and millions. And also, you should also look up a guy named Buckminster Fuller. Buckminster Fuller is on the same level as Einstein and Hawking's. He made the Dymaxion, the geodesic dome.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know that.
Speaker 1:Buckminster Fuller invented it. My Uncle Peter was his assistant. Peter's fucking brilliant. He's a genius. Yeah, yeah, and that's why I call him Uncle, because I realize not only have you looked out for me this whole time, but then Mom gave green light. She searched your uncle Like she decided it. You get what I'm saying. Like little old Christian Blackburn picked this gay man and said you're the one. How old were you when she passed 19. She died. You lived with her through high school or through your no.
Speaker 1:I was taken away once to go to a foster home. Because I was taken away once to go to a foster home, okay, because I was getting rambunctious and my brothers and all of this stuff. I was starting to wake up, I was starting to. So they took me away, they took me to a group home. I didn't fit in. It was ugly. I was in between being genius, being soft in with all the thugs, and then I was captain of the wrestling team, the wrestling team and wrestling coaches trying to get me back because I was like the only, like I was the first guy in my school to repeat as champion and it's like everyone's pulling me in all these different directions. I got kicked out of the, the um special school because I stopped going to the psych psychologist, because they wouldn't tell me where I'm going yeah I'm like, if I go, tell me, I'm not gonna keep to keep talking about how I feel, tell me what the hell I'm doing.
Speaker 1:So I got emancipated. I just left the group home. No one wanted to deal with me. I walked out. I just walked out and no one followed me. They just like we're done. And so she took me back because her family was really the one that wanted to get rid of me because they were watching out for her. But then she died protecting me from my brother one day my brother well, they always have when my brother was back and for some reason he decided that again I was the outlet for his anger.
Speaker 1:He was a bit bigger than me, he was kind of a hillbilly. I was like 130 pounds, he was like 190 and, um, again, I could lift up a 300 pound person. But I didn't know it like. So I was afraid and he kept bullying me and one day I did. I picked his ass up and slammed him almost to the floor and the whole house shook and mom came scurrying in and she saw it and she was like, uh oh, and he was looking up, looking at his face, like now I have to kill him. You know I'm looking at it because again, I'm not understanding just what I'm capable of. And again, I'm not trying to build myself up, but it's just the reality. I'm not understanding what I'm capable of, I'm still scared. I'm not trying to build myself up, but it's just the reality. I'm not understanding what I'm capable of, I'm still scared, I'm still thinking I'm weak, I'm not understanding. I just picked a Sunday night and found my hand up over my head. It went down, still not understanding. She got sick and she refused. This is what was told to me later. She got sick and she refused to go to the hospital, 80-something years old.
Speaker 1:Very shortly after that, and the family finally came and took us to the hospital that night, my brother showed up and I'm ready, I'm like that's it, you know. And he said, no, no, no, I got a prostitute. Come on. And he went down the basement. He's like eric, go be with her. And I'm like, no, I don't even want to do this man. And he did what is he's cute, eric, go be with her. And I'm like, no, I don't even want to do this man. And he did what I did. She's cute, nice, looking new out there. And I'm thinking like, either I go down here and do something with her or I've got to fight him. And you know, I'm starting to realize like what I'm capable of and like we're going to destroy her house. So I went down there with her and they wanted me to fuck, but I'm like, just give me a blowjob, you know. Oh, you got a big dick like your brother. Oh, let me suck it.
Speaker 1:She died that very night while my brother's making me be with a prostitute, as opposed to me having to kill him. I found out on her sickbed that she didn't go to the hospital because she was afraid of what Jimmy would do to me. Who does she know? It would have probably went the other way, because I would have. Probably and I hate this phrase, but this is one of those rare occasions where it's legitimate I would have snapped because I was just coming out into that like I can lift a car. So I hate people using that phrase, but this is one of those rare occasions in life where it's a legitimate use. So she died because she was afraid to leave me alone.
Speaker 2:At 19.
Speaker 1:She was afraid to leave me alone with him. I had just turned 19. So, again, like I said I think I said earlier, around 18 or 19 or 19 is when it changed really fast. That was part of that really fast change Like wait, I'm not a scared 13 year old anymore, so everything was happening all at once in the brain and she went to the hospital because she was afraid to leave me alone with him. So she died of pneumonia because pneumonia got too bad, because she refused to seek help.
Speaker 2:She died in the house.
Speaker 1:She died in the hospital. She died the night. She went to the hospital in the hospital. While she's in the hospital, he's making me get my dick sucked by a prostitute. You got a choice Either we fight or you go down there with the prostitute.
Speaker 3:My producer, chris, goes on here to ask Malachi why his brother got so offended or angry that Malachi didn't want this prostitute that was supposedly gifted to him by his brother.
Speaker 1:Welcome to my world. He's the same one child that fucked me in the ass earlier. Yeah, do you think he would have felt disrespected if you?
Speaker 2:hadn't taken him up on this offer. One shot to fuck me in the ass earlier. That's a weird decision. Do you think he would have felt disrespected if you hadn't taken him up on this offer? Is that where the issue was? He's like I did this for you and if you're going to snub me, this is how it's going to go.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I don't know what went on in his mind To this day. Him and my other brother I just recently got in contact with again after 30 years Via Facebook. We found each other, the one brother who was really mean to me. We actually made peace. He actually just offered to send me some money, which he doesn't have.
Speaker 1:But that was shocking because he's the one that I think had me suck his dick, or tried to suck my dick, or he's a spit in my food. He was just horrible and he admitted it. He was like like it's horrible and I actually had confused which one did once. I thought he was the one that tortured my kittens. But it was this one that tortured my kittens would burn the hair and light bulb in front of me and like were like abused from right in front of me and I couldn't stop because I was really small and weak. When I was young, I was very weak. The strength came out of nowhere, maybe because I was so strong and weak. When I was young, I was very weak. The strength came out of nowhere, Maybe because I was so strong and weak. Somewhere in my body said muscle build. You know he's a very.
Speaker 1:I talked to him for a while and I talked to the people around him and his own daughter doesn't talk to him and he's Now my understanding that he is still fucked up, Like he is really messed up in the head. So I think the guilt of all the things he did and whatever damage he went through he never got better from, you know. So he's on all sorts of medic case and he's out getting. I don't know the whole story, but he's still fucked up in the head. My other brother is now on disability and he was a high man for a minute. He was a drug dealer in Miami.
Speaker 1:I totally believe it because I remember how he was when he was young. Every girl sucked his dick Like he was a young, pretty boy. He was good with the mouth. So I can totally picture him finding a way to the top of the underworld I mean not the top, but, you know, Finding a good place in the underworld. I can also totally picture him now being crazy. It caught up to him. So all of us are crazy. The one's totally gone, the one's living on whatever money the government gives you and I, the one who suffered all of their abuse, being interviewed by a podcast.
Speaker 3:As we leave the restaurant and stand out chatting in the mini mall parking lot, he lights up a cigarette and continues to talk about his time stripping and in sex work, his sexual addiction and all of his struggles with that. Then we hop in the truck for a ride back to Camp Malachi.
Speaker 1:I was lost into the sex world. I mean the other reason I don't judge. I was sitting waiting for the train to come in Center City and I was watching people go by and I literally was in my mind going that one likes Little Boys, she's a dominatrix, she cheats on her husband, he likes to get fucked in the ass in the bathroom and like I knew everybody's fucking secret and it was overwhelming, like I knew way more than I wanted to know.
Speaker 2:Isn't there a Mel gibson movie like that? I'm not familiar with that one. What women?
Speaker 1:want. Oh, we could meet the minds. Yeah, well, I mean, I literally knew them now, like I literally, like I'd seen this dude getting fucked in the ass. Oh, so you knew that. I knew this reading. I knew way more than I needed to know. That's when you were a stripper, right? That's when you were a stripper, right. That's when I was a stripper, but also kind of in the sex world. My friend was a dominatrix. I was in and out of the bathhouses and the strip clubs and getting high with everybody. I was getting high with the doctors and the lawyers. I knew who was secretly gay. I had so many macho men trying to suck my dick. It's ridiculous. You know so many black thugs who would scream. You know, fuck them, faggots. One minute and the next minute they're like you're messing around. You got a nice ass man. You see that dick Hundreds of times, hundreds of times.
Speaker 2:Let's back up a little. We talked about it before, before we started recording. But how did you become a stripper?
Speaker 1:I was at a gay club with my friend, with my uncles, which is nothing unusual Because, again, they're safe and they're fun. To this day, if I was a clubber, I'd go to a gay club Beautiful women, safe environment, great fucking music. You know, I'd suggest any straight man go to a club. You know, it's just a party, it's fucking fun. Just don't go into the bathrooms. Find the private bathroom. Don't go into the woman's stalls. That's just true.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you you're going to see some feet. It's not a lie, it's not a stereotype. I walked into one once. I saw four feet and I heard I was like time to go. It is a reality. But most of them have like a private bathroom. You could find other than that party central.
Speaker 1:So I'm at a gay club and they had these go-go boys, his little, pretty little boys, dancing. They had amateur night and I didn't know I was drunk at this point and so again, I was 140, with like a body fat percentage of like seven. This is right after I made the national ensemble team. I think this is like right after I joined military. I was on leave or something somewhere, in that they're all kind of that same time frame. So I was body perfect, small but body perfect, pretty, all of that. They dared me Like, oh, I don't want to do this shit. I was drawn, what the hell? So they gave me a G-string or something, I don't know. That went up my days. I did try to survive. You also have to understand. And then I say this not to be weird, but I'm a small, 140-pound blonde-haired, blue-eyed kid with a nine-inch dick in a gay club, if you can picture all that. When I was done, the owner came to me and was like dude, they loved you, we want to hire you right here, on the spot. I'm like I'm not doing anything crazy. He said $200 an hour. I'm like what? This is 1989. Before kids could make $500 for selling jars of farts on the internet. This is when you couldn't make money like that. I did that. Next thing, I know I've got two agents. One of them is a big-time agent. I'm part of a group called Men of Passion. Men of Passion. I'm dancing a circuit of six different clubs and this is all in Philly. No Atlantic City, oh, atlantic City, philadelphia, cherry Hill, atlantic City. I'm the shit Because I could fit in anything.
Speaker 1:I was pretty enough to do the white clubs they break it down to you. The white clubs they want them to look like Ken Dolls. You know they want them to be like you, with more muscle, pretty guy, built, tall. I'm not trying to be offensive, but put about 20 pounds of muscle on you, take off. About five years you could have been a stripper. It's just a reality. That's what they want.
Speaker 1:You can have a one-inch dick. They don't give a fuck. They're all into pretty. The black clubs you better have dick Now. I only had nine inches. Most of them had like 10, 12, 13, but I had blonde hair and blue eyes, so my nine looked like 15. You get where I'm coming from.
Speaker 1:And then did the spanish clubs because I could just blend in with the spend. There's a mixture of both. You got a little pretty and a little dick. You don't have to be too much of either one, but you got to have a little bit of both so I could jump from club to club and then I danced reggae and I was super strong. So what I would do is grab the 400 pound woman I would take on stage. I would bounce her off my hip. There's this little teeny dude picking up this 400 pound woman who everyone else is ignoring and because of my strength, I'm bouncing her off my hip. They loved to live the fuck out of me. They couldn't. I was getting hired left and right. I'd walk into this pitch black fucking reggae club it's called the Upper Deck. They didn't even know who they hired. They hired me over the phone because of my name and I showed up and they saw me and they were like who the fuck are you? You're Sir Ramalot. I'm Sir Ramalot.
Speaker 2:That's your stage name. Yeah, or the horse, sir.
Speaker 1:Ramalot, yeah, like Sir Mix-a-Lot, sir Ramal, the heart, let him do it. They thought it was going to be a disaster. I went, did my thing. I grabbed the biggest woman, bounced her up and down. They were all just like holy fuck, I was like the only light, only white guy that ever danced at reggae club and our janana city people would kick me with 20 dollars full of cocaine and that's really addiction really kind of got its footing and I was. I went down that rabbit hole and you know we can imagine where that went. But so I was.
Speaker 1:I mean, little white guys who couldn't get laid to save their life would invite me to parties because they knew that the girls would take their tops off and let you slurp coke off of their titties and they would finally get to see the girl tits they've been trying to see for three years. They even told me they were like look, we just want to take a top off, please, we'll give you all this coke. Like you know, the gay guys are inviting me to the parties and you know I remember one party, um, this is when I knew I started to get out of hand. Now I went to this one. I was starting coke. We're all partying and everyone else getting vodka and going to sleep and I'm still, I'm still like looking for more.
Speaker 1:That's when it's getting out of hand and I was ready to leave, like to go search out more, and the guy was like dude, dude, just get some. You know and I'm not letting them know that I'm getting out of hand I'm like, oh no, I gotta go, gotta go to work tomorrow. But really I'm getting to addict mode at this point, you know. And the guy looks at me and is like, no, you ain't gotta go to work, everyone else here gotta go to work. But I took care of them. I was like, what do you mean? You took care of him. He's like I wrote him a note. What do you mean? You wrote him a note. I'm a doctor. I was like how the fuck? That's the world I exist. And I was doing that while I was in the Navy.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was in the Navy Reserve but I was doing special active duty. This basically means I was doing three weeks I would go in and act for at a lot of people know especially active duty in the neighbor reserve. You can be in as much as you want or out as much as you want. So I would do like three weeks a month and and then that one week like I'll fly on the road, so I wouldn't sign up. So I was basically active duty, but with a week with a week or two off every month. So it was a perfect balance while it lasted.
Speaker 1:But then I went AWOL for a year, got in no trouble. Long story short, when I came back it snowballed. I didn't plan it, but I missed one, then I missed another, then I was like, oh fuck, I'm in trouble, let me wait, and it just. You know, at one point it was like fuck it, I ain't going back, they're just going to send me to jail. And at one point I was like I got you now, you know like I gotta go back. And I went back and I got in no trouble and I found out the reason I got in no trouble is that they never reported me gone for the entire year because they were hoping I wouldn't come back.
Speaker 1:I was too smart for him. I would, I would be my little crazy self and I would get some kind of trouble. And they try to punish me with some task. That was impossible and I would do the task. And so then they were like fuck, we can't. Like he didn't do anything so bad that we can like outright punish him, but we can kind of set him up. And every time they tried to set me up like they had to make it legitimate looking I would do it all the time. So finally they put me in a desk on the corner somewhere out the way. Here, sit here, just rebuild these manuals. You don't want to bother anyone anymore.
Speaker 2:You're dangerous and they just put me in a corner somewhere, so to go back to, like stripping. So that's how you started and is that how you got to know who everybody was or what everyone was into?
Speaker 1:You also understand that you were describing scene I already kind of knew because remember when I was at my uncle, I told you I was at my uncle's house way out in the suburbs. When he moved out of the suburbs and I'd be sitting and watching TV and some homeskill it from the hood would come walking down the steps and he would look at me shocked oh my God. And then then he would think in his shocked oh my god. And then he was thinking his mind oh well, you're here doing the same thing, yeah, we're safe. And I look at him like I didn't. He didn't have to say it, I knew he was thinking because I had so many times I go, no, that's my uncle, we're not here for the same thing. That's my uncle. You know I'm not sucking dick. Um, you'll get my dick suck. But then I would tell them to look dude, you ain't the first, don't you worry about it. As far as I'm concerned, I ain't see shit, which, of course, I'm not going to put me in fucking business. Even if I don't like you, there are certain things you don't do, you know. So, no, I'm not going to go back in the hood and be like me.
Speaker 1:An awareness of like, okay, tough, tony's getting fucked in the ass. And when I started stripping it just grew on that. I started just being around certain situations. I would be in a bathroom and see the lawyer getting fucked in the ass, or I would see the housewife, you know, sucking five dicks. Now I would just learn people's secrets. I'd find out that this person's actually a dominatrix that people think is like a librarian, you know. And then I'd go and I was modeling at a sex party once, a big one at this club. It was like a sex festival when I was one of the strippers and, you know, you'd see like their sweet little mom from wherever, with nipple piercings and shit and some guy dragging her around with a titty thing. So I was not just like a stripper, I was in the whole sex scene through your 20s.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, I was the guy that, like you, would watch your wife suck his dick. And that did happen, guys watching my suck my dick. Or you would ask like, can you please show my wife your dick? Can you get her, can you show it to her so that I can get laid tonight? You know, I've had that, you know, once maybe didn't want to cross that line but they needed their wife turned on. Just that whole scene While I'm dealing with all my other you know, underlying, been raped a couple of times and raised up in orgies and all of that stuff playing in my head. So probably not the best place for me to have been, probably not the best lifestyle for me to have had destructive, but it fit. Yeah, you know it. It. It fit until it didn't. It fit until, like you say, that destruction wasn't enough so we had to move on to more destruction.
Speaker 1:Then we moved on to more destruction.
Speaker 2:How did you get out of it? How did you get out of stripping?
Speaker 1:I just I drugged out of it, Okay, basically. I mean it got to a point where I drugged out of it Like no one was going to pay to see my drugged out ass. And as I got older and I remember I got together, got clean and I went back to another show. I remember the very last one I went to. It was another black reggae club and I hadn't done it for like a year or two and I went and did it and I got drunk and high that night Because it was like I told myself I could go back to life without fully going back to the life. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:Drugs were necessary. It was part of it. It had become part of it, yeah.
Speaker 1:They were they, they.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to, and it was Coke at the time.
Speaker 1:I'm going to yeah. Well, yeah, it was Coke for a long time. Crack came like later. I'm going to open the bottle, but only let out half the genie. It doesn't work that way. Half the genie yeah, you're going to get the whole motherfucking genie. You can't Don't piecemeal Tail and all Will Smith. Whoever the hell the genie is this week, you're going to get it all Will Smith did a fuck of a job.
Speaker 2:as the genie, I never watched it. That was a good one.
Speaker 1:I was never a big Will Smith fan, I mean, I had nothing against him. He killed that, though I mean I had nothing against him. He killed. That though I mean he was okay. I just I didn't. I wouldn't go out of my way to watch his movie If he gets fucked up. Jada fucked him up. Oh, he's been fucked up.
Speaker 2:He just hit it. She's a devil.
Speaker 1:She, lord, he listen, you don't get fucked up by a situation like that. You have to already be fucked up to fit into that type of situation. You, that can't be created. Not a strong, macho black man. No, you have to already be fucked up for that. For that puzzle piece to fit, so will smith was already he was already fucked up.
Speaker 1:She just fed it something. It Something I heard, ironically enough, from Cat Williams. I can't believe it. That shocked me when he said it. It was like, wow, that's brilliant. But he was saying toxic people look for something to feed on and the way to get rid of them is to get rid of whatever it is they feed on and the toxic person will leave because they can no longer satiate their hunger. Her toxicity found what she needed to feed on in him. His brokenness needed that leech to take that brokenness off of him, so they kind of fit. In order for him to fit her toxicity, he needed to be broken enough to be her food.
Speaker 1:A healthy person is going to start to get broken and go. No, no, no, bitch, nope. We're going too far with this shit.
Speaker 2:Time to go, so when you got into stripping, did your brokenness kind of feed your spiral of drugs? Or could someone survive that lifestyle and be healthy, happy, make a career? You couldn't. Was it possible to come out of that?
Speaker 1:unscathed, it is impossible.
Speaker 3:Okay, so sex work is a controversial subject and we've interviewed strippers, models, adult film actors on previous episodes of our show. And while I don't necessarily agree with all of his opinions on the subject, that doesn't really matter. Maybe things are different in the industry now compared to 20 or 30 years ago, but at any rate, this is all his experience and his opinions.
Speaker 1:This is what I tell people all the time. It's absolutely impossible to come out of stripping. The men have a better chance because there sometimes tend to be part-time stripping. It depends on how you do it. Even then it's really hard. But you know you have some men who just do a show, get dressed, go home. It's not as in depth with men. You know men we do. A lot of men will do a strip show birthday, christmas, you know, five times a year. Maybe you know what I mean. Depends.
Speaker 1:I was in it, I was in deep. I was gay parties, straight parties, parties sucking three women's titties at the same time Mom, two daughters. They were gorgeous too. Yes, I did that. So I was knee deep. But for someone whether, if it's a man who is an unusual stripper, like I was in the sense that he's knee deep Right, well, the average woman stripper, whose basic presence is knee deep, the average woman stripper does it every weekend. It is impossible, absolutely impossible, to come out unscathed. And I'm going to give you a perfect example why. You ready, you're a soldier and you go to Afghanistan. You're in the war zone. You never kill anybody, but you're in the war zone. Are you coming out unscathed. You may never suck a dick, you may never shoot a drug, but being in that war zone, you're not coming out on skates so there's no such thing as somebody jumping into that for two years to help pay for college.
Speaker 2:No, come out the same person they were when they went.
Speaker 1:Nope, they're fucking. They're fucking lying. They're fucking lying First of all. 80% of them suck dick or do drugs. Simple fact 80% of these female shippers that these guys out here worship him have put a dick in their mouth for some change and or done a drug. That's the simple reality. Probably both. Probably both. Okay, I don't care how good they look on IG, I don't care how innocent medical school paying for it, they sucked a dick or they did a drug. Any other 20% watched it. Tell me, you're coming out unscathed.
Speaker 2:What are your thoughts on OnlyFans? Do you think that's a much safer way for people to make money?
Speaker 1:Honestly, I think OnlyFans is pretty pathetic. I'm going to tell you right now I'll be honest with you. Okay, we have cheapened ourselves. We have made our worth almost nothing. If I can see your wife's pussy and I don't even have to pay for it I'm telling you right now, every single person on OnlyFans you name a person on OnlyFans I can find a free picture of her pussy. I can find a free video of her sucking dick. I ain't even got to pay for it, so I can no offense, I'm not saying this personally, but I can watch your wife suck someone's dick for free. Where's the value? We've cheapened it. We've cheapened ourselves so much. I mean, I'm not completely mad at the feet pick stone Because your feet, okay, you still keep a certain. I'm not mad at that. If you want to go that level, I'm actually not mad at it.
Speaker 2:What about the fart in the jar?
Speaker 1:Fuck it. If some dude's stupid enough to take your fart in the jar, sell it. But when you have no boundaries and you're vagina, what does it mean for me to see your vagina? If anyone the fuck else can? It means nothing. So yeah, I think we're cheap in society. I think we've convinced society that there's an easy way out to everything. I think that, like this one girl just recently, some rapper girl, she made it and she's kind of successful and she was moaning and complaining and bitching and just throwing a fit because someone had found her only fans when she was sucking dick. How dare you pull this off? I shut this down. I'm like do you know how to enter networks? And she was. I mean, bitch, you suck dick on camera. It's stuck forever. Your kids will watch you suck dick on camera.
Speaker 1:It's one of the reasons I didn't do porn movies. I was invited Again. 5'8" blue eyes, blonde hair, small guy, 9-inch, rock hard dick. I was asked to do porno movies often I always turned it down because I thought one day I might have a kid. Always turned it down because I thought one day my daughter might see this. And I'm a dude. There isn't even as high a level of shame to it as it is a woman, and I still thought, no, I could have been important, turned it down over and over because back then I thought I might have a normal life one day. I thought I'm doing this now. I'm young, it's stupid, I'm making money. At some point it'll be gone. Let's move on. These motherfuckers got themselves sucking five dicks on camera and they're 18. What's going to happen when you turn 30 and you want to get married and have a kid?
Speaker 2:That's explaining the dude, listen.
Speaker 1:Not only some explaining, but you traumatize your kid Because your kid's going to grow up at some point and their teenage friends are going to be like isn't that your mom sucking five dicks? No one thinks about tomorrow. We're all like, oh, this is cool, this is it, this is free. You know, don't oppress me as a woman. You could do whatever the fuck you want. I'm just explaining the consequences. I'm not telling you you want to go suck five dicks on camera, do you? I might watch and jerk off, but I'm letting you know. The consequences are this Because people now consider consequences to be oppression.
Speaker 1:No one's oppressing you, but your own decisions. We don't want consequences because they're oppressive. Bitches. Don't do the shit. That's like motherfuckers robbing a store talking about how dare you charge me for shoplifting, which you know california doesn't do anymore? They just let you take what you want.
Speaker 1:But if you know you're in florida, you break into a house, you're gonna get shot. It's as simple as that. You will get. The sheriff even went on the internet and said we want them to shoot you. Did you see that one? I did. He said we, we, we, our people of Polk County, have they like guns. They have guns and we encourage them to use guns. You will get shot. You can't play the victim of your own choices.
Speaker 1:So that's how I feel about OnlyFans. Is that that's what you want to do? You have the freedom to do it, but you're really destroying yourself when you do, because you will forever be that bitch or that dude who sucked dick in front of camera and it would never go away. And most of them don't even make money. That's another part they don't tell you. You know people I've seen do OnlyFans. I know a couple of people personally did OnlyFans. They're like man. I made like five bucks in three months and how many videos you now got on the internet. You're going to stain yourself for life for five bucks. 1% of OnlyFans make actual survivable money, maybe 5%. The rest are basically just staining the rest of their life for some fucking pocket change. That's just my opinion. No, I'm an old fart Scarce. I'm one of the guys that lived it for ten fucking years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's why I wanted to hear your opinion on the OF thing. Is it less damaging?
Speaker 1:It doesn't go away. It still has consequences no matter what, it has worse consequences because it never goes away. You can't get rid of it.
Speaker 2:Is your demon woman here? She doesn't look it.
Speaker 1:So I'm meant to ask you a question before we go. Do you have, like, maybe four minutes to wait? Yeah Well, two minutes to wait, then another two minutes to talk with. In fact, I need another cigarette, so let's get out. Wait then another two minutes to talk with him.
Speaker 3:I need another cigarette, so let's get out. You can hear a little bit at the end as we were saying our goodbyes and turning off the recording equipment. Malachi wanted to ask me a question. He wants to know that, after meeting him in person and hearing more of his story, what I really thought of him. It's a strange question for an interviewer or a journalist to answer. It's awkward, but fair. I suppose. In doing this type of work you try to stay unbiased and objective. I'm here to ask questions and tell the stories my audience wants to hear, and I really try to listen to people with a sense of empathy and without judgment. It's difficult to do sometimes. Anyway, the question caught me off guard and I told him something like uh, you're a unique dichotomy full of lessons or some other crap. I meant it, but still not a very eloquent response. You're a unique dichotomy full of lessons or some other crap. I meant it, but still not a very eloquent response. On the drive back home I kind of thought about his question a little bit more.
Speaker 3:There's a parable and it was written by a Byzantine priest about the devil and three monks that I read once. Keep in mind I'm paraphrasing when retelling it. But one day the devil appeared to three monks and asked them if I gave you the power to go back into the past and change one thing, what would you change? The first monk condemned the devil and he said I would prevent you from making Adam and Eve fall into sin in the first place, so that humanity would have not turned away from God. The second monk had mercy and replied to the devil I would have prevented you from straying away from God so that you would have not condemned yourself in the first place. The third monk, who was the simplest and wisest of them, refused to answer the devil and instead he knelt down to pray O Lord, please let me resist the temptation of what might have been and what was not At this prayer. The devil screamed in agony and fled. When the other two asked the monk why this prayer made the devil flee, he told them that basically no one is able to change the past. So why bother? The devil was not testing our virtue with that question, but rather he was trying to trap us in the past so that we ignore the present. The here and now is the only time we really have to serve God and to do good.
Speaker 3:So the question what do I think of Malachi? Well, he's not a hero or a villain, for that matter. He's not a genius or a madman, a derelict or a success story, a druggie, a loser, a prophet or a saint. He's not any of those things. I think he's just a man in progress, an unfinished novel. Much like the rest of us, his future is spotless. So to hell with the past. I say On our next episode, hard Prison Time. And the past comes back to haunt Malachi when an anonymous tip sent into our show reveals sexual assault allegations and that everything about him may not be as it seems. You won't want to miss it. The Redacted Podcast is produced by myself, matt Bender, and my wife, pamela Bender. Make sure to go out there and give us a like, a share, share it with your friends, rate us. Every little bit helps. Thanks for tuning in. Thank you.
